"When the lantern fluid runs out...they will switch to batteries, and when the batteries run out they will switch to darkness."

New Fiction: "The family promises they’ll be careful not to choke on the baby Jesus."

New Fiction: "Life in AmeriCorps is full of little rebellions."

New fiction: “Museum staff had given him a nickname, they called him ‘The Toad,’ and they whispered it to one another whenever he entered the galleries.”

New Fiction: “Fake rifles pick off fake deer.”

New fiction: “Diana was happy for Ari and Rachael, the same way she was happy for a lost dog who found his way home after having been missing for weeks.”

New fiction: “The rooftops are melting. Across the city, patio furniture and pigeon coops are being swallowed up by sticky tar.”

New fiction from the author: “After the third bucket, Burt Hammer finally explained he was trying to harvest methane from the cow patties as an energy source.”

“The next day Nixon steered Soviet Premier Khrushchev over to the Pepsi kiosk.”

“The ship came as though out of a dream—not mine: the water’s and the night’s.”

“As I lay there bleeding, she methodically checked each and every frame of film for scratches.”

“I was concerned about her love, because Lydia smelled so strongly of blood and cervelat.”

“Husband! she yells, I want to have sex! and gets out of the shower.”

“It is the first time my cell has ever dialed 911. By the time the ambulance comes a crowd has gathered.”

“That night he sleeps well, figuring if the police aren’t there by 12 a.m. they’re not coming at all.”

“‘I’m in the elevator with one other person,’ she said. One other person! As if Jonathan Franzen were just one other person!”

“Alyoshka was small, gaunt, and lop-eared (they stuck out like wings), with a big nose. The kids teased: ‘Alyoshka’s got a nose like a misshapen potato.’”

“He says he’s forgotten, but there’s venom in his eyes, thought Chervyakov, looking at the general with suspicion.”

“A teenager’s response to advertising, Lauren had found, has everything to do with how she thinks of herself.”

“Ain’t much of a job. You forget, I wasn’t hired by no church. The First Church of the Eternal Rapture is my own creation. I don’t receive no salary. I live on donations.”