Construction Literary Magazine

Fall 2020

Beyoncé Emailed Me

Beyoncé Emailed Me

Photograph via Wikipedia

Beyoncé emailed me yesterday.

“I usually don’t email you—but I have an amazing invitation I have to share,” she wrote to me shortly before noon.

My heart skipped a beat.

Step aside, Jay-Z. Beyoncé must have seen me bicycling past your new Brooklyn Nets arena, and she knew what she liked more. Your baby Blue Ivy Carter has a new daddy. Me and Beyoncé gonna be snugglin’ courtside while you’re all lonesome in your skybox.

Beyoncé continued: “Jay and I will be meeting up with President Obama for an evening in NYC sometime soon. And we want you to be there!”

Damn! Jay-Z is still in the picture. Eh, I can deal, since he is actually hosting the event at his 40/40 club in Manhattan and charging everyone else $40,000 per plate next. I wasn’t up for fatherhood, anyway.

Beyoncé then wrote: “Until midnight tonight, if you pitch in $4 or whatever you can, you’ll be automatically entered to be flown out to join us. I’ve had the honor of meeting President Obama and the First Lady a few times—and believe me—it’s an opportunity you don’t want to miss.”

Oh, so its about money, Beyoncé? Money?!

Of course it is. The Obama campaign has out-raised Mitt Romney by $740 million to $630 million over the whole campaign season thus far, according to Reuters, but the fundraising momentum has been in favor of the Republican since April when the party coalesced behind a single candidate. August was the first month since April that Obama out-raised Romney, by $114 million to $111 million.

A good chunk of that extra bump came from flashy friends such as Beyoncé, Michael Jordan, and Gwen Stefani. The Chicago Tribune quipped that, “after several rounds of star-powered fundraising, the Obama campaign appears to have the celebrity endorsement rigmarole down pat and isn’t shy about linking their candidates brand with Hollywood-level fame.”

Obama needs all the help, as he’s lost a crucial financial edge he held over John McCain four years ago. In June Construction pundit Ian Cheney noted,

[quote]Democrats, of course, have their talking points on such a defeat, the most prominent one being that their party gets more but smaller donations from middle class voters while Romney gets much more maximum-contributions. Make no mistake, though. This one stung.[/quote]

I was stung, too, but by Beyoncé’s request for money. I’ve entered a few of these Obama campaign raffles before, having received similar emails from Sarah Jessica Parker, George Clooney, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Bill Clinton, numerous campaign officials, and even Barack (subject line: “This is critical”) and Michelle Obama (subject line: “Be my guest for the convention”).

They took my money, and I never heard back. I didn’t want it to be the same way with Beyoncé.

Then I read the fine print at the bottom of her email: “No purchase, payment, or contribution necessary to enter or win. Contributing will not improve chances of winning.”

So it’s not about the money! Beyoncé really does just want to meet me, the kid who lives down the street from her basketball arena and dances to “Single Ladies.” I have accepted her invitation for next week and eagerly anticipate our evening together.

She concluded her note:

“Can’t wait to meet you!

Love,

Beyoncé”